Chapter 10
He looked down at her. “Ask it.”
Who? Before she could figure it out, her waist was propped upward by that pair of hands with distinct, elegant knuckles, and he entered her just like that.
She lost herself for a split second, and in that same split second, she understood.
Men were probably naturally adept at dodging the main issue at such critical junctures. She completely forgot what it was she actually wanted to ask.
It was a night of indulged passion, leaving the entire apartment in a complete mess.
She slept in for the first time in her memory, breaking her usual self-discipline. By the time the sun was high in the sky, a new round of wild indulgence began.
Over the two days of the weekend, Bian Xu never mentioned an end, and she never spoke of leaving.
The bathtub, the kitchen, the living room, the audiovisual room, the terraceâshe experienced every single corner of that apartment. It wasn’t until she woke up on Monday morning and saw the empty space beside her pillow that she finally extracted herself from the intoxicating spell, beginning to contemplate their relationship and where they should go from here.
Her mind in a state of chaos, she walked out of the bedroom, only to immediately spot Bian Xu laughing and joking with a young man out on the balcony.
Realizing that the buttons on her shirt weren’t even fully done up, she hurriedly turned her back.
That sharp-eyed man instantly teased: “Oh, well that’s a rare sight. A girlfriend?”
For her at that time, this was an extremely sensitive question, causing her turning movement to pause for a brief moment.
It was during that exact moment that she directed her gaze toward Bian Xu, who was leaning against the window sill.
Meeting her eyes, he bit his cigarette and raised an eyebrow with a smirk: “Otherwise?”
The words were spoken to answer the other person, yet his eyes were fixed on her.
The golden morning sunlight fell all over his shoulders, making that scene appear incomparably brilliant yet incomparably illusory.
…
That was the promise Liang Yuxuan had received.
It was the first and only time Bian Xu had personally confirmed her relationship with him.
But now, eight months later, as she looked back after this relationship had become riddled with blemishes, that ironclad answer had grown blurry instead.
When a man acknowledges a woman’s status under that kind of context, is he definitely speaking the truth?
It might have just been a fig leaf to save face in front of others.
They didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, they didn’t count anniversaries, they rarely went out on dates, and they had never spoken of love anywhere outside of the bed.
Compared to a boyfriend and girlfriend, they resembled lovers who only existed inside the apartment.
Otherwise, Xiao Jie wouldn’t have instantly seen through it as a clear-minded bystander just from that phone call earlierâ
A girlfriend requires loyalty, but a lover does not necessarily.
So Bian Xu had never thought about explaining the scandal from start to finish.
She had thought the worst possible outcome was the appearance of a third person between them.
As it turned out, what was even worse than that was the relationship she had so carefully maintained was nothing more than a fragile bubble that would shatter at a mere touch.
Just like how the initial meeting he considered entirely ordinary was actually a reunion she had dreamed of for years; between them, it was never equal from the very beginning.
Accompanied by Xiao Jie, Liang Yuxuan went to the hospital to get X-rays and was put on an IV drip. By the time they returned, it was already night.
The fever had subsided for the time being, but her Achilles tendinitis had been flaring up repeatedly over the past year; it wasn’t something that could be rooted out in three to five days.
The doctor said this acute phase could last for several weeks, and how long it would take to ease depended on the physical therapy. In the short term, let alone performing, even basic training had to be suspended. Otherwise, once conservative treatment failed, the next step would be surgery, and the recovery period then would be even longer.
“You people in the sports and arts industries really rely on your youth to do whatever you want. Go count how many athletes and dancers have had their Achilles tendons snap right on stage, ruining their careers just like that?” The old specialist exhorted earnestly at the hospital.
Xiao Jie listened with a pounding heart, but Liang Yuxuan remained calm instead. After all, she knew her own body best; she had already prepared herself mentally before returning to China.
Besides, injuring muscles and bones was practically a regular occurrence in this industry. Resting for a few weeks wouldn’t cause the sky to fall. Fortunately, the end of the tour just happened to coincide with a gap period, so it wouldn’t delay too many matters.
Upon returning to the apartment, Liang Yuxuan reported the situation to Qin He over WeChat.
At nine o’clock in the evening, she received a voice call back from Qin He while in bed.
Qin He nagged a whole bunch, saying she would apply for sick leave for her on Monday, telling her to rest well, and that she didn’t need to report to the dance center next week.
Liang Yuxuan agreed to each point one by one. Finally, she heard Qin He bring up the morning’s topic again: “Since you can’t take the stage during this period anyway, you can give some consideration to that variety show.”
“My foot can’t record a dance show recently…”
“I’m not asking you to take on a dance variety show. Do you still think you haven’t pushed yourself hard enough? I’m asking you to go make friends,” Qin He explained with a laugh.
It took Liang Yuxuan a moment of thought to grasp Qin He’s meaning: “To go on a variety show to date?”
“How are you more out of touch with trends than I am, child? Itâs a type of romance and social reality show. If you happen to meet someone you fancy on the program, you can date; if you don’t meet anyone, there’s no forcing it. It enriches your social life while accumulating connections and fame, and you can still work normally during the process. It’s a matter with a hundred benefits and not a single harm!”
“But right now I…” The phrase “am not single” reached the tip of her tongue, yet Liang Yuxuan lacked any confidence. She gripped the corner of her quilt. “Teacher Qin, let me consider it. Can I give you an answer next week?”
“Alright, opportunities like this are rare. Do it as early as possible!”
After hanging up the call, Liang Yuxuan stared blankly at her phone screen, which showed no missed calls or unread messages, for a short while before taking out her diary from the nightstand drawer.
The notebook, which she had used for four years, already had pages that were slightly yellowing.
Back when she was seventeen or eighteen, she would write something in it every day. The more she grew up, the less she wrote, only putting pen to paper when her mood was exceptionally good or exceptionally bad. The diary had become more of a medium for reviewing the past.
Liang Yuxuan was not good at making decisions involving a clean break. In the past when she was in a dilemma, her maternal grandmother had told her: When you do something, if the times you feel sad outnumber the times you feel happy, then you shouldn’t continue doing it anymore.
Then, she would open her diary to see how many times she had been happy for this matter, and how many times she had been sad.
Liang Yuxuan slowly opened the notebook, looking through the pages one by one starting from last December. She drew tally marks stroke by stroke, finally calculating a ratio of 19:6.
It turned out that during the days she spent together with Bian Xu, happiness only accounted for 6 out of 25 parts.
Liang Yuxuan felt a sudden urge to laugh, but she suddenly felt a wave of heat on her cheek. Reaching up to touch it, she felt a patch of wetness.
Five skyscrapers stood adjacent to the river in a prime district where every inch of land was worth its weight in gold, enclosing the most expensive residential complex in Nanhuai City.
Liang Yuxuan swiped her card to enter the first building, took the elevator to the top floor, pressed her fingerprint onto the lock, and stepped through the door.
A duplex penthouse layout in a limited-edition locationâa luxury residence whose very contours many people couldn’t even conjure up in their dreamsâsat completely vacant just like this. The massive apartment was devoid of human warmth; looking across the space, every single furnishing remained exactly as it had been when she last departed from here.
Bian Xu liked cleanliness, but he disliked neatness. He disliked anything square, rigid, or orderly. The arrangement of items in his home was like the jagged, grotesque rocks found in the wildâpermanently in a tilted, messy, and savagely growing state.
Furthermore, he forbade anyone from altering this free-form layout. Because of this, he had driven away several cleaning ladies who suffered from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Liang Yuxuan, however, loved regularity and possessed a mild compulsion for organizing. Every single time she came over at intervals, she had to exert an effort to readjust. This time, thankfully, there was no need.
She had no desire to spare another glance at those chaotic arrangements. Using a paper towel, she wiped clean the universal wheels of her suitcase, then took out the pristine, brand-new bags, jewelry, cosmetics, and skincare products insideâalong with their packaging bagsâand arranged them one by one on the living room coffee table. She returned every single one of these gifts that Bian Xu had once used to dismiss her.
Then, carrying the empty suitcase, she briskly reclaimed the personal belongings she had left here, ranging from daily necessities to clothing, including a few leisure books she had read when she was bored being alone in the past.
She didn’t want to linger for too long. When she went to take the last book from the swing chair on the balcony, her hand slipped due to her hasty movements.
The book fell to the floor, opening precisely to the page marked by the bookmark.
It was Feng Tang’s Growth of All Things.
She looked down and spotted a line that had been highlighted with a gray fluorescent marker: “I will exhaust my ten thousand types of grace and charm to ensure that at any time in the future when you are not with me, your inner heart will find no peace.”
Liang Yuxuan couldn’t recall which day she had highlighted this sentence. It was probably on one of those sleepless nights when she had been left behind by Bian Xu.
She picked up the book, realizing with delayed insight that she was, after all, still a bit unwilling to let it go. If her departure was just like a passing cloudâleaving absolutely no impression on Bian Xu and having no impact whatsoeverâshe was still a little unwilling.
She wanted him to also have a restless, sleepless night.
At least for that one night, though she wasn’t by his side, his entire mind would be filled with her, thinking of her with every single breath.
Standing on the spacious balcony, Liang Yuxuan surveyed the entire apartment. After a moment of thought, she walked toward the vinyl record player in the living room, found a record from the collection cabinet, and placed it on topâthat would be the first piece of music Bian Xu heard upon returning here.
She then walked toward the wine cabinet, selected a bottle of wine that Bian Xu favored, swapped its position, and placed it in the most easily accessible spot.
Next, she entered the bathroom, retrieved the aromatherapy essential oil she frequently used from the glass cabinet, dripped it onto the diffuser stone by the edge of the bathtub, and carefully shut the shower room door tightly.
Following that, she walked into the bedroom and meticulously smoothed out the soft comforter on the bed.
Finally, she gave up on a set of undergarments she had originally intended to take away, picking up scissors to cut them to shreds before tossing them into the laundry hamper in the bathroom.
Like a meticulous designer, she had properly prepared the five sensesâhearing, taste, smell, touch, and visionâthat linked memories for the owner of the apartment.
Then, wheeling her suitcase to the entryway, she left behind the access card and picked up her phone to compose a text message.
Once the notification of their breakup was sent, Liang Yuxuan opened the door and walked out.
With a click, the heavy metallic door shut firmly. She turned around and stepped into the elevator, never looking back again.
One month later.
September in Jiangnan was overflowing with rain, with half the days spent amidst the pattering sound of downpours. Once October arrived, a wave of cold air surged southward, and the weather abruptly turned chilly; Nanhuai thus bid farewell to summer.
On a long-awaited sunny day, Liang Yuxuan finished a half-day basic training class at the dance center and headed alone to the recording location of the romance variety show.
When she broke up with Bian Xu a month ago, she originally had no intention of entering a new relationship. However, Qin He had advised her that “even if you don’t date, it can still serve to balance your life.” Combined with her temporary departure from the stage due to Achilles tendinitis and the frustrating days of being uncertain about when her physical therapy and rehabilitation would end, she finally decided to go let loose and clear her mind.
Later on, the treatment process turned out to be smoother than anticipated. She resumed basic training at the end of September, though the contract for the variety show had already been set in stone long ago.
The afternoon sunlight baked the damp air until it was crisp and clean. Departing from the central urban district, Liang Yuxuan closed her eyes to rest her mind all the way in the taxi, when she suddenly caught a whiff of a sweet, clear fragrance of sweet osmanthus.
She opened her eyes and looked out, seeing that the vehicle had driven into a sparsely populated forest area in the northern suburbs.
Beside the road, the early silver osmanthus trees were adorned with dots of yellow stamens. Strands of golden sunlight filtered through the gaps in the leaves, casting mottled shadows upon the asphalt road.
A pale yellow osmanthus petal was blown into the car window by the wind, landing precisely upon her snow-white skirt.
Liang Yuxuan lowered her head to pinch the petal, experiencing a slight illusion as if a lifetime had passed.
Last year when Nanhuai was filled with the fragrance of sweet osmanthus, she was still a single individual living a monotonous nine-to-five life, moving strictly between the apartment and the rehearsal hall.
This year as the osmanthus fell, she had extracted herself from a hopeless relationship that was like a moth to a flame, returning once more to being single, resembling a brand-new cycle of reincarnation.
The car gradually drove into the deep depths of the forest, and several connected villas styled after modern Chinese gardens came into viewâpink walls and black tiles, small bridges over flowing water, structures and pavilions highly characteristic of the Jiangnan region.
This was the primary filming location of the variety show.
Starting from today, six ordinary guestsâthree men and three womenâwould live together under the same roof for over a month. During the day, they would each go to work or school as usual, and at night, they would return to live under the camera lenses of the villa, seeking out and pursuing their desired partners among the guests.
For the sake of the program’s dramatic effect, the production team had established several special regulationsâ
For instance, dinner on weekdays would be prepared by a rotating pair of one male and one female guest, while weekends would feature random combinations of male and female guests going out on dates. For another instance, guests could not exchange contact details in private, nor could they confess their feelings before the final confession day; they could only send one anonymous text message to their person of interest every evening.
The lengthening of the ambiguity period undoubtedly came with an increase in variables. Under such regulations, the audience would never know whether sweet public displays of affection or an explosive, dramatic showdown would arrive first.
The car came to a stop in front of the courtyard, and Liang Yuxuan checked her makeup and hair in the rearview mirror.
