Chapter 01
A Failed Secret Crush
Recently, there has been a very troubling matter on my mindāI have fallen in love with a man.
Now, the fact that I am also a man is not the crucial point here. After all, the whole city knows that I love men. My boyfriend is Zhao Gongziānephew to the mayor, son of the Longmen boss Fourth Master Zhao, and brother-in-law to Warlord Marshal Huo.
The crucial point is that the man I have fallen in love with is not Zhao Gongzi.
Ah, woman, thy name is fickle! Ha, man, is thy name not also unfaithful!
Clutching my book, I fell into sorrow. Endless, boundless sorrow.
Everyone in the world today is singing the praises of free love, yet no one is likely to commend me for being ungrateful. When love gets tangled up with too much obligation and gratitude, it becomes difficult to keep it pure. Well, mostly it’s difficult for me to keep it pure. Zhao Gongzi is actually quite pure about it. He very purely took me in years ago when my family was ruined and I was left destitute, just so I could study alongside him. We stayed together until I turned eighteen; I graduated from the Western academy while he dropped out, and right after that, he bedded me.
Before eighteen, I had always wondered why on earth he treated me so well. Finally, I had my answer. Nothing more, nothing less.
I suppose I got what I bargained for.
Fuck his mom.
I said nothing, and you heard nothing.
“Yixin, get out here.”
Oh, Zhao Gongzi is back. Heās calling for me.
My name is Qiu Yixin.
Iām feeling a little guilty.
I walked out to the living room and saw Zhao Gongzi taking off his hat. It was green.
My feelings were complicated.
To be completely honest, I have suspected for many years that something is seriously wrong with his brain.
Seeing me, he said, “What took you so long to come down? Come here, I have a present for you.”
I walked over, and he handed me a book.
I said, “Thank you.”
He immediately leaned his face in, waiting for me to kiss him.
I really didn’t want to. He has already gifted me ten copies of this exact same book. Can he please put a little more thought into this?
I had no choice but to tell him that I had just been eating upstairs and hadn’t wiped my mouth yet, so I didn’t want to get grease all over his face.
He said it was fine, it didn’t matter, he could just kiss me instead.
Once he finished kissing me, I asked him what that flavor on his lips was. He said he got hungry while out and about and ate a fried oil cake.
I sincerely hope he eats one every single day, as it significantly reduces my guilt.
My heart is dead. At the very least, it is a pool of stagnant water.
While changing his clothes, Zhao Gongzi said, “There’s a ball tonight to entertain Boss Zheng. You’re coming with me.”
I felt the spring breeze rippling through my stagnant water.
He glanced at me. “Why are you changing your clothes too? I went to the opium den this afternoon and stink of it, but haven’t you stayed inside the house all day?”
I set the outfit down and said naturally, “Just moving it to a different hanger.”
He said, “Forget it, change anyway. Wear something that matches me.”
I chose an outfit that had absolutely nothing to do with what he was wearing.
He asked, slightly displeased, “I’m wearing green and you’re wearing red, what’s that supposed to mean?”
I truly do not understand why he loves the color green so much.
Without blushing or missing a beat, I lied, “Itās the latest trend.”
“Trend my ass,” he snapped. “Do you take me for a fool? Are you just trying to avoid matching me? This past month, every time I want to sleep with you, your stomach hurts. Hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt your mother’s head! Do you think I won’t whip you?”
I retorted, “I don’t like green! Zhao Long, if you’ve got the guts, whip me to death. If you don’t whip me to death today, you’ll take my last name!”
“Cut the crap!” His expression instantly shifted. He pulled off his leather belt from his waist and barked, “Bring me that blue suit so I can change! Doesn’t red and blue look way better? You went to that Western academy for damn nothing!”
I hate him. Why couldn’t he just whip me for real?
Zhao Gongzi and I arrived at the ball. A crowd immediately gathered to exchange pleasantries, praising how we were becoming more and more handsome together, a perfect pair of golden boys.
Zhao Gongzi looked highly dismissive. Privately, he muttered to me, “Do we really need them to tell us that?”
I also agreed that we didn’t need them telling such bald-faced lies.
Before long, someone announced that Boss Zheng had arrived.
My heartstrings were plucked once more by the god of love. I couldn’t help but look over, spotting the man surrounded by the crowd.
His name is Zheng Qi. Word is he came from the capital. No one knows exactly who his backing is, but his business is immense. He is cultured, elegant, and possesses both Chinese and Western learning. I suspect he studied abroad.
Zhao Gongzi took me over to greet Mr. Zheng.
Mr. Zheng smiled slightly, and I drowned right then and there in his smile.
Mr. Zheng mentioned he had brought a gift for me from out of town, and handed over an original, untranslated Western novel that I had searched for in vain across every bookstore.
Mr. Zheng invited me to dance, but Zhao Gongzi stepped on my foot, cutting in to say my stomach was hurting and I couldn’t dance.
I said my stomach suddenly stopped hurting. Zhao Gongzi said no, your stomach is still hurting. I said it really doesn’t hurt, and Zhao Gongzi asked if I wanted it to hurt on its own or if he should help make it hurt. I quickly replied that I suddenly felt it hurting a little bit after all.
So, Mr. Zheng politely changed his invitation and asked Zhao Gongzi to dance instead.
Zhao Long is utterly shameless.
After stepping on Mr. Zheng’s feet countless times, Zhao Gongzi returned to my side and said my stomach was hurting so he was having the driver take me home early. I said my stomach suddenly stopped hurting. Zhao Gongzi said no, your stomach is still hurting. I said it really doesn’t hurt, and Zhao Gongzi asked if I wanted it to hurt on its own or if he should help make it hurt. I snapped, “If you’ve got the guts, make my stomach hurt right now! If I don’t die from the pain, you’ll take my last name!”
Zhao Gongzi’s face shifted. He rolled up his sleeves, collapsed onto the sofa, and whined that his stomach suddenly hurt.
Thus, Zhao Gongzi and I left the ball early and went home.
Back home, once the door was shut, Zhao Gongzi said he wanted to have a talk with me.
In his entire life, he has only wanted to “have a talk” with me twice. The first time was when I turned eighteen. The second time was today.
I said, “Talk then.”
Zhao Gongzi asked, “Have you taken a liking to that guy named Zheng?”
I said, “Yes.”
